YOU WILL LOOK AT PEOPLE DIFFERENTLY AFTER READING THIS.

Do you ever witness or hear about something tragic or very unorthodox to you that another human did and you literally cannot understand why that person would do such a thing? Whether that be a terrorist attack, other non-empathic actions, a tendency to depend on alcohol and drugs, etc. The topic that this blog is about to discuss is very complex and everyone that I have discussed this with holds a unique perspective on it. Because I am curious to hear all your different opinions, I would like for you to read this blog and reflect on it. On Thursday, May 23rd at 12:00 PM ET, I will post a question on my IG (sherif_meniawy) to hear your opinions on the topic of Identity which I will repost.

In the previous blog, we discussed the importance of reflecting consistently and regularly to check in and see what your values and goals are at the different stages in your life as who you are is constantly changing, thus, these changes might be affecting your goals and values. Now, the question is: What defines you? What drives your change? Who are you?

Nature and Nurture, 2 ideas that you have heard of:

There are many different theories that explain identity, but in my opinion, the most accurate is one that explains identity using a combination of both nature, your genetics that have been passed down to you from your parents, and nurture, your life experiences throughout your life.

Nature:

You are born with genetics that you had no control over and they have a large role in shaping what you look like, how you behave, your intelligence, how you adapt to the environment, you name it… These genetics you receive are completely out of your control. For example, person A and person B are non-identical twins (have different genetics), but if they are both raised in the same household, eat the same things, go to the same schools, etc., Person A will always be more likely to develop alcoholism because his genetics make him more tolerant to alcohol, therefore, he does not get sick from drinking and repulsed from alcohol the same way that Person B does.

Nurture:

Your genetics aren’t the “be all and end all” as your experiences affect your mind (take a course about rocket science and you will know rocket science), they affect your biology (if you exercise more, you are more likely to have larger muscles), behaviour (if you grew up in a culture where it was encouraged to always hug people when greeting them, you are more likely to try that when you travel to a country where that is considered inappropriate), etc.

Case Study:

Think back to the day that you were born. Now picture that in the room right across the hall from you, another individual is born to 2 different parents. Stop there. Right off the bat, your genetic makeup is very different and you both had no role in selecting your genes. Once again, your genetics can affect your body type and shape, thus, the sports you excel at, etc. Your genetics also play in a role in your intelligence, the baselines levels of hormones and receptors for reward pathways (affecting how likely you are to abuse drugs like cocaine or consume sugar), etc. Additionally, certain gene modifications play a role in developing different diseases, play a role in different personality traits (aggression and the tendency to seek social support), etc. Essentially, you are both already different with respect to all the things listed and much more and we are just at the instant where you were just born.

Moving on... We're onto your early childhood. How much of a role did you play in picking what language you were to be taught first, whether you were to go to a high or low end school, whether you were fed nutritious foods that supported healthy brain development or not, or even what behaviours the people around you modelled to you. For example, when you are child and observing the people around you in order to mimic them, you did not get to select whether you were in a positive atmosphere filled with love and where caring for one another was common practice or an environment where individuals were living highly stressful lives and seemed to get better whenever they drank a bottle containing red liquid. You are very young, but the brain will remember that association between low anxiety and that red wine. You keep adapting and learning from the environment you are in as you grow up, learning to either always seek comfort from others because those around you do that or learning to internalize your frustrations because that is what those around you do.

You and the individual born on that same day with you finally get to an age where you are capable of making more of your own choices, but who are you at that point in your life when you are making your own decisions? You had no pick in your genetics and the environments you were placed in as you grew up that make you who you are at the moment that you can finally make your own decisions. Therefore, every decision you make as an adult now is affected by those experiences and genetics. Now, these things that were out of your control affect the relationships you choose to build, the career you select for yourself, your passions, the way you behave, and finally: the way that you react to the behaviour of others.

Years and years go by and you cross paths with that individual that was born across the hall from you. You are at a children's park. They are the only parent at the park that does not hug or kiss their child when they get hurt and you always see them drinking alcohol out of a paper bag at the park. Your first instinct is to judge them from your own perspective that was shaped by your upbringing that tells you that they have weak will power, they are inferior to you, and they should not be parents. That sounds very cruel, but we are all guilty of letting thoughts like this come into our head.

I invite you to see the world from their perspective and understand their story. The person born across the hall from you is an Indigenous individual who's parents both went to Residential Schools where they were taken away from their parents and physically abused for years. They learned to associate physical touch with violence and negative emotions from all of the physical abuse that they endured. They were lucky enough to survive the Residential School System and now have a child of their own that they love. Because they love their child greatly, they refuse to touch them because in their minds and based off their experiences, physical touch is linked to abuse, pain, and negative emotions - things that they do not wish for their child that they love so much. What they do not know, however, is that the human body naturally produces a hormone, oxytocin, with physical human contact and this hormone reduces anxiety. As a result, that person born across the hall from you never received that natural anxiety relief that you did and learned that physical touch was negative because the only time their parents touched them was to spank or hit them for doing something wrong. Now, they look to alcohol to reduce the anxiety they feel throughout their day because as they grew up, adults around them did that and their mind still remembers that association between alcohol and less anxiety.

How do you feel about that parent at the park now? Are you still very angry with them? Or now that you have taken their story and perspective into account, do you feel more empathetic and wanting to play a role in making a change?

We were all once innocent children with heads bigger than our bodies and goofy little smiles on our faces. What made some develop alcoholism and what made others violent terrorists? And was it in their control or had they already been greatly influenced by things out of their control before they could make their own decisions.

Now that you are thinking about that? How do you feel about justice systems and punishments such as the death penalty? Who is to blame for the crimes that are committed... Is it the person that directly committed the crime or the individuals that played a very large role in making them develop the behaviour that led to the crime?

Tune in on my Instagram (@Sherif_meniawy) to share your opinion and hear the opinion of others! Thank you for reading!